4 Reasons Why “Conscious Uncoupling” Doesn’t Work

4 Reasons Why “Conscious Uncoupling” Doesn’t Work

With rising levels of divorce, breakups and relationship challenges, many people are looking for new ways to approach relationships and how they end. We live in an age where are a lot of people are trying unconventional relationships, and new ways to approach long-term love. All of it is an attempt for people to find happiness in alternative ways. Divorce is a traumatic and challenging time, so much so that people have tried to find less painful ways to end their partnerships.

This is where “conscious uncoupling” comes in, a term that has been around for a long time, but popularized by Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s divorce. It’s a process that aims for an amicable split where both parties heal from the detachment and transition into singlehood in a smoother way. The question is does it actually work? Will “conscious uncoupling” save you from the trauma of divorce, and help you your ex emerge as loving friends?

I don’t think it’s really that simple when it comes to splitting up. There are certain truths about the process of divorce that contradict “conscious uncoupling” entirely. It’s actually for this reason that people need to go down the legal route. Here are few reasons we believe conscious uncoupling doesn’t work.

Celebrities Are Different From Us

Just because conscious uncoupling worked for Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, doesn’t mean it works for every average Joe and Jane. Celebrities have more money, more lifestyle options to choose from, and their approach to relationships might differ from us. They can also afford every alternative therapy and expensive lawyer under the sun, which eases the path a bit.

Emotion Has No Formula

Breaking up with someone isn’t like getting into shape by following a diet and exercise program which is quite formulaic. The steps you need to take in that are logical, but divorce is all about emotion. It’s basically a grieving process where you go through all the stages including denial, anger and sadness. And people experience these things differently, in different order and in different time frames. It’s hard to put a definite process on something that’s quite unpredictable and human.

It Doesn’t Account For Betrayal

A lot of marriages don’t end because the flame just fizzled out. Sometimes really terrible things happen that make it impossible for people to patch things up. What if there was infidelity and the cheating partner once to move on? What if one partner destroyed the family because of addiction? What if the resulting feelings are just too bitter for people to just “uncouple”. Unravelling from a bitter divorce is a completely different monster, and no amount of “conscious uncoupling” can make this easier. Sometimes the love is completely gone and it gets replaced with contempt. It will take the parties a lot longer to recover from that.

People Can’t Uncouple Together

Imagine you’re breaking up with someone and all you want is to be away from them. But now you have to uncouple with them, and that means going through the process of breaking up along with them. Sounds a bit contradictory right? Sometimes in a breakup what people need is space, time to unravel on their own and get used to the new normal. So that means dealing with these feelings alone, not alongside someone else who is also going through their own challenging process.

Even with the best intentions and most amicable terms divorce is traumatic. You just can’t circumvent the pain. Because you’ve built a life with someone, and hoped it would last forever, there’s an inevitable grieving process you just can’t avoid. The idea of conscious uncoupling puts people under pressure to feel a certain way, when all the feelings that come with divorce are pretty natural. It’s quite unrealistic to expect divorce to just be as simple as signing papers. There’s going to be resentment, pain and indecision and many more really tough feelings and experiences.

But in conclusion, this doesn’t mean that divorce has to be an entirely negative process. People do eventually heal from divorce but it can take years honestly. It might also take therapy and a lot of other hard emotional work. Doing a divorce through a lawyer isn’t a sign of failure, it’s knowing that you need someone to step in and make sure both sides get heard. According to divorce lawyers, Annutto Law, “a divorce settlement can be reached without acrimony and major conflict, and that greatly rests on the professionalism of the lawyers and their ability to want the best for not only the couple, but for the kids as well.”


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